He is filling out job applications on the computer and in the back ground a commercial is playing, and it said.
"Womens' sex drive increases at the age of eighty. "
Corey: Well, FUCK! (Slammed the mouse down) You stupid horny bitches...
You can just imagine my face, I pretty much had tears in my eyes because he legitimately seemed upset by this. I think he thinks that these elderly women are going to have a heart attack during sex and die; therefore, we are stupid for being so horny? I don't understand his logic. And I have to say it was not a gentle slam, he might as well have threw the mouse on the desk from a 20 foot drop. That is how loud it was.
I would imagine any elderly lady that heard Corey say this would respond like this...
5. He is Badass....
Me: You like to make people think you're a badass
Corey: I am badass.
Me: Please tell me, how you are a badass?
Corey: Well, I shit with the door open.
I see your head shaking from here. Not only did he quote Step Brothers, but he was being dead serious, this was a legitimate reason as to why he is badass. This does not make him badass, it just means he has no shame. Probably why we get along so well.
4. Rookie Mistake.
Me: Check out this bed frame do you like it?
Corey: I like it. Pause. I like it better in black
Me: No, we are getting white.
Corey: Why did you even bother asking me if I liked it?
Me: I asked you if you liked the frame. I didn't asked you if you liked the color.
He made the mistake that every man makes when a woman asks a question. He has yet to grasp the idea that women are very detail oriented individuals, so if we ask a man a specific question, in this case do you like the bed frame, that means we DO NOT care about anything other than what we asked. Silly boy will learn.
This is the bedframe we fought over...
3. He thinks he is all that in a bag of chips...
I haven't heard from him in hours and this is the text he sends me.
Corey: So you owe me a card on October 16th.
Me: Why? What's on that day?
Corey: It's bosses day. And I am a boss.
Need I say more?
2. Always inappropriate...
Why are these fucks driving so slow? Seriously, the roads are dryer than Miss Daisy's cooch.
When he said this, I stopped jamming in my seat to Waterfalls by TLC and my head literally turned in slow motion and just looked at him in disbelief. I mean, how would he know how dry Miss Daisy's cooch is?
1. Couples that lift together, stay together? Right?
While I am doing my last set and this is our conversation.
Me: Want to watch me spread my legs dear? (clearly flirting)
Corey: While working out? No. Last time you did that I almost vomited.
As you can imagine, I could not focus on my last set. I was laughing to damn hard. He has no shame and he just states whatever the hell he wants and I love every bit of it. Even if it is to tell me that my snatch is dirty. That is just love.
Also, I have to say as I am finishing this blog he is singing from across the room.
"Fuck, Fuck, Fuck a duck, screw a kangaroo." To the rhythm of "Row row row your boat" SMH He is special....
Seductive Kangaroo. I now understand....
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